A Whole New Tape . . . err DANCE!

Sean was kind enough to remind me after my last post that I don't need to record over my mix tape.  I can just eject it and start a whole new one!  What a novel idea.  As I responded to Sean via email, I've been trying to record over the old one (which leaves pieces on the tape!).  A brand new shiny tape - blank slate - is what I need.  How freeing!!!

So, friends, what will we put on our new - empty - tape?  This is an exciting adventure; one that I like much more than trying to rewrite or remix the old one.

We rented Just Dance 2! for Wii last night.  I only 'boogied' a couple of songs, but can I tell you I am sore???!  What a wonderful feeling!  Ok, it's not so wonderful when I first get up out of my chair . . . but it is wonderful to feel a connection with my body - that reminds me it's still in there and will work for me when I ask it to.  So, I think some more dancing is in my future!  I've got to get over this mental hangup that has been stopping me from working out - and dancing might be a good gateway.  If any of you are Veggie Tales fans (sorry, I still have young kids!), I'm thinking 'Dance, Dance, yeah!'

Have fun, and make it a great day.

Who put that Mix Tape in my head???

Last night was another sleepless night, and I was reflecting on what was making me so anxious.  I should be sleeping like a baby . . . I graduated with a major degree, we're finished with the holidays, and things at work are not stressful.  So, what could possibly be keeping me awake?  The tape.  The mix tape.  I've talked about it before, and Sean Anderson blog readers know - we have a mix tape in our head that plays all sorts of things in our brain.  I have previously committed to trying to change my mix tape to more positive messages.  Well, somebody changed that tape when I wasn't looking!

To my amazement, I realized I hadn't said one nice thing to myself in months.  I hadn't patted myself on the back for graduation, instead I focused on the 'cow in the graduation gown.'  I have been meaner to myself than I would allow any person around me to be.  I have been barraging myself with nastiness and hurtful messages!!!  'Why aren't you going to work out?' . . . 'You're too fat to work out; it won't make a difference; your skin looks awful; what is up with your hair these days?'  You name it, and I have said it to myself. 

I said it to myself.  I did this to myself.  So, if I did it, I can undo it, right?  In theory, that would be true.  In practice, I know it's not that easy to just 'stop' beating yourself up.  It's hard to suddenly try to like yourself.  I'm not sure where to start, but I am sure that self-awareness has to be a first step.  So, tonight I will commit to focusing on sleep rather than how overweight I am.  I will go to the dreaded gym one time this week, and will try very hard not to beat myself up mentally the entire time I'm there.  I'm smarter than this.  I can do this.  Step one begins again.

If you are walking this road, I'm always interested in your story.  Make it a great day.

I'm still here!

So, how have I done with my eating habits?  Um . . . not great.  I won't say that I've totally fallen off the wagon, but the wagon does seem to be dragging me by my shoe laces on some days. ;-)

The biggest challenge has been that I have had a nasty sinus infection, and have not felt like cooking (and we've been out of town) - so we've eaten out quite a bit.  What are some of your 'go-to' meals that you can pull out of the freezer or with minimal pantry supplies?  I would love some inspiration!

I hope to check back in soon.  If not, check on me. :-)  Merry Christmas!

Runnin on Empty

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. Time sure does get away from you quickly! Things have been hectic, but moving in the right direction . . . personally anyway. My food choices have certainly slipped. Today, as I struggle with a sore throat, it's a regular reminder to me that I have not been drinking enough water - and that I could have been making better food choices recently. I don't think I've had total 'throw away' days from start to finish, but I wouldn't hold any of them up as stellar.

But, that's part of this journey we're on. We fall, we get up. We learn. I am not accepting any of my food choices as an open door to go back to my old habits. I jump back in and make good choices. Speaking of good choices, I'm looking for something to soothe this scratchy throat. Anyone have any good remedies?

Make it a great day.

Two Posts in One Day! Putting it Out there . . .

Kenz issued a challenge for bloggers to be honest about some of their weight loss issues.  I've been struggling with being honest with myself for the last couple of weeks, so I'm jumping on this excercise.  If you have a blog, please join in and answer, and list your address in the comments so I can follow up with you too!  If you don't have a blog, please answer as many of these in comments as you can.

1. What was your highest weight, what do you weigh right now and what is your goal weight?

My highest recorded weight was 269.  I have gotten as low as 195 in my most recent journies, but I'm coming back down from 225 right now.  I'm somewhere near 210.  My FIRST goal weight is 180.  If you've been reading my blog a while, you know that I want to give myself enough cushion to not rebound right back up over 200.  For some reason, getting near 200 makes me sabotage myself.  My overall goal is 140.

2. What is your #1 motivation for losing weight?
My #1 motivation is to lose weight so I will be fit around my children, and be able to enjoy their activities with them.  I don't want to be the 'fat mommy' in the group.
3. Have you always been overweight?
Hmm.  That's a good question.  I was 'told' I was overweight . . . even sent to a 'fat doctor' . . . in high school, when I went from a size 8 to a size 10 (wouldn't you kill for THAT size now?), but looking at pictures, I was very healthy then.  I would say I really started taking off in college - so well over 20 years.

4. When you want to give up what inspires you to keep going?
Being accountable to my children.  I might make a poor choice for a meal, but I'm determined to not let it become a downward spiral and become my life again.

5. What is the #1 thing you look forward to when you hit your goal weight?
Going to a store and actually wanting to shop for clothes.

6. Do you have support on your weight loss journey?
Absolutely.  My husband is very supportive.

7. What is your favorite exercise?
Ugh.  I can't say I have one; however, I really do enjoy doing my tapes . . . Yoga Booty Ballet, Zumba, etc.  I don't mind the elliptical at the gym, but the classes make me feel more 'womanly'.  Odd, I know.
8. What is the most important thing you have learned on your weight loss journey?
I have learned that I have not been honest with myself about what I really eat, I have learned that I do not have good self esteem or body image, and I have learned that I am entirely too hard on myself.

9. What is one thing you have given up that you miss the most?
I gave up that size 10 a long time ago . . . I miss that the most.  :-)  Regarding food, I have not given anything up, and I intend to keep it that way.  My previous attempts have always failed because I get obsessed with what I 'can't' have.  I'm not doing that to myself again.
10. What is your strategy for losing weight
My strategy is to stay on track, take it one day at a time, and try to stay accountable to myself.  I am worth this.  I am worth being healthy.

Stress, Stress, Stress!

I know it's natural to feel stressed at some times, but lately I've had an extra large dose. I won't pretend to have made great choices every day; however, I have made good choices most days - which a huge step in the right direction. The scale is not jumping down (it might be the same, or a pound up) over the last three weeks, but at this point I'm just trying to maintain an equilibrium.


This is the point where I argue with myself. I know that if I exercised more, it would raise endorphins, help me feel stronger, and give me motivation to push through this. And then I argue, in a very grown up voice, 'But I don't wanna! (whine)'

How do you push yourself to get out there when you don't want to, to find time when there is none, to put yourself on the top of a 25 page list??? If anyone has tips for what has worked for you, I'm game.

Make it a great day.

Happy Girl

Turns out that there is a scientific reason that I might appear more happy than some other people. According to an article by AOL (not the bastion of scholarly research, admittedly), there are key roadblocks to your happiness. The roadblocks are Expecting the worst all the time, Passing the buck, Thinking life should be perfect,  Not thinking of others, and Expecting life to be fair. Lucky for me, I don't really have those qualities. I am an overall happy or cheerful person most of the time.

Don't get me wrong - I can be a grump! But my overall outlook on life, and how I treat people, is pretty rosy. I wouldn't change even the bad things I've been through, as they've made me a very strong woman.

So, I am overall pretty happy . . . I just want to be healthier. Does being happy help you get healthier? I don't think Santa would say so (should I say so, so , so?). Today it's ok though. I'll use my rosy outlook to know that I'm on the right road, as are you, friends. We'll do it together!

Make it a great day.