Ok, as you can see, I tried to begin this blog thing before - but what would I write about? Who would read it? As it turns out, I don't really care who will read it...I'm writing for my own catharsis, my own accountability. For anyone who knows me, it is evident that I have had a nearly-lifelong battle with weight. I'm sure we all deal with psychological issues, but those dealing with weight issues often handle those issues (i.e., stress, the past, the unknown, etc.) with food. It is our comfort. I hope that through this blog I can examine some of those fears, and become more accountable to myself for my choices.
There are too many insecurities for me to jump 'out there' and bare my soul just yet. Since I have found inspiration through Sean Anderson's blog (he has gone from 500 pounds and shed over 250 pounds!), it seems only fitting that on my first day of blogging, I share an excerpt from his Day 1. Perhaps I'll become more comfortable with my own words later.
I also know that losing weight and being healthy and looking good will have tremendously positive effects on every aspect of my life. I've always known that. I firmly believe that I've allowed my weight to hold me back in my career, and more importantly: It's held my family back from fully enjoying life. That's pretty big stuff. I'm writing this blog as a self-motivation tool. I need to write, I need to express my feelings and experiences, I need to continually remind myself of what I need to do and keep doing. That's what this blog is all about. If you read this blog and have a laugh or feel inspired to lose weight too, then it's all the better! But I'm doing it for me. And by doing it for me, I'm also doing it for my beautiful wife and two daughters. How important is it that I lose the weight now?
Well...every now and then I day dream a nightmare where I envision my family at my funeral. I know...it's dark! And very scary. But every time I have a little pain I wonder, is this it? Am I about to collapse? Will my funeral be Thursday?? That's very depressing and scary stuff. But when you're as big as I am, it's something that you have to think about all the time. Again, the question comes: Then why is it so hard to lose the weight?Well, it's hard because there are so many psychological factors that play a part in our daily choices. I eat because it taste good...I eat because I'm stressed out over something...I eat because "we're celebrating"...I eat because it's much easier to eat whatever you want than count calories and make healthy choices. I never exercise on purpose because it's way easier to not. But all of this must change. I convinced myself that my eating and lack of exercise was controlled by my stress level and emotions. So surely I can convince myself that despite a high stress life, I can still eat less and workout. And that's exactly how to lose weight. Eat less and work out. I don't want a surgery or a lapband or anything other than complete control of myself.
This is all about making choices. Every choice we make has a consequence...some good, some bad...Some real good, Some very, very bad. Choices and consequences, that's what it's all about.
So, today it starts...again. I'm trying not to think about the past failures, and the endless yo yos I've experienced over the last 20 years. This is today. Moving forward. A new day.
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