Thursday, August 12, 2010

Reflecting on reflecting

Today I feel a bit reflective, so bear with me. It seems that when others are going through challenges, it makes me stop and think about what they're going through and how I can learn from the experience. Another blogger I read posted some very personal challenges she is having in her weight loss journey. Although mine is going very well (this time), I am constantly pushing away my own mind demons to keep moving forward. I'm not sure if it's an 'overweight person' thing, or a 'woman thing', or a 'me thing' - but I regularly deal with those mean internal voices telling me to stop, eat what I want, I'll never make it, etc. Then I actually button my jeans, and I get another day of confidence. One thing I am trying to do on this weight loss journey is to really understand why I feel a compulsion to overeat at times, and to make bad choices.

The easy answer is because the poor choice foods often taste better! That's a cop out answer though; many of my favorite foods are healthy. Last week I said I would try to find a new mix tape for my internal tape recorder. I can't say that I've found the perfect words yet. So far, it's just been enough for me to recognize when the old tape starts playing. When I look in the mirror and hear, 'Man, is your butt fat!', I immediately tell myself, 'Your butt is getting smaller!' I know it's a long process to undue more than 20 years of self-inflicted mental abuse. That's really what it is! Hmm! Nice epiphany there.

So, if I have self-afflicted mental abuse, I will start treating myself as I would a friend who had been abused. I will start loving myself, and encouraging myself . . .

I pray for my blogger friend who is searching, but appreciate her honesty to help me reflect on my own journey. I apologize for my reflective tone today, but the insight was good for me! I hope it helps someone else find a truth for themselves as well.

Make it a great day.

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